My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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