Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He felt like a one man threesome
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
