In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
