she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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