Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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