question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
