people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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