dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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