This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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