i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
