You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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