i think my mom watched the whole time
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
