Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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