I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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