Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize