So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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