My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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