YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
