yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
