I just threw up on my dentist
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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