you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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