I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
