I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
