Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
