No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
