I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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