I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
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who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize