if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Randomize
