I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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