Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Im part way to drunk.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
