What a fucking waste of an outfit
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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