the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
