He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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