so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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