I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
