exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
