dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
