we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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