why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I've blown a few things in my day
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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