How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
