highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
BRING THE BAGELS
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
