too bad you live with your parents still
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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