I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i've created a new STD.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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