To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
