He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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