Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
