So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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