Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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