I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
3pm strippers are depressing
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This is classic penis vs brain.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
