My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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