Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
