Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
