She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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