This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize