Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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