then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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