It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
