We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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