In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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