we have pet lesbian snakes
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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