Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
