you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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