apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
