one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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