I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
