I will die if light touches me.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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