So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
