Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
