so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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