I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
