I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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