3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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