yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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