She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
