there's paper in my vomit.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
